JANUARY: The maxim “Odd Hairstyles Corrupt Absolutely” continues to be proven when testimony reveals what many Floridians have long suspected: Tom Feeney is a slimeball. Obama wins the Iowa Caucus and I observe that anti-war candidates are going to do well , and pro-war candidates aren’t, essentially predicting Hillary’s (and of course McCain’s) loss. By the end of the first week, Mittens was telling people the real problem the country faces was the (and I quote) “militant gay agenda .” What foresight, that guy.
We took a brief break from politics for some Mac geekery centred around MacWorld, whereupon I explained why Apple was going to have a great year in 2008:
Apple may be a large multinational corporation (with some of the sins and baggage that being one brings with it), but they are by far the most genuinely benevolent money-grubbing capitalist tool in the world by a long margin. They actually like making things thatmake people happy! And that's probably the first time you've heard that sentence uttered about a company since Santa Claus incorporated his toy-making North Pole facility!
Whaddya know, I was right! I even had a chart to prove it:
Yeah, I'm recycling this, but check out the hate on Vista Home Editions! Suckers!!
On the 24th of January, 2008, I called the race for the Democrats without even knowing who the nominee was (I was still pulling for either Obama or Edwards). A week later, of course, Edwards pulled out (insert Groucho Marx-like comment on who he pulled out from here), along with Rudy 9ui11ani, and we discovered that Ron Paul is no dummy .
FEBRUARY: As someone who has been a journalist for much of his adult life, I hate to admit it, but newspapers have contributed heavily to their own demise . Blogs, what with their being on top of stories weeks or months ahead of the mainstream media , played a role as well. I noted the Democratic turnout as a leading indicator, and weighed in on the rise of social networking:
Most of the rest of the month was spent sizing up Obama and his record, but never say we don’t take a break for a good self-deprecating laugh:
MARCH: In March we started off by announcing that it was mathematically impossible for Hillary to be the nominee (a bit of Nate Silver showing through there). A very prescient graphic artist worked up a Pokemon Gameboy simulation of the election (if it had aired on national TV, the race probably would have been over months earlier, since it reaches those, um, “low-information” voters extremely effectively), we super-endorsed Obama , and noted the passing of Hogan’s Heroes star Ivan Dixon .
Towards the end of March you know we had to set aside a moment for Windows bashing , for Bush-bashing and for shameless self-promotion . It’s in the contract, has to be done. :)
APRIL: The scourge of Rick-Rolling comes to the blog, we explain cell snobbery , warn against electronic voting , examine Americans’ self-image , and (in my humble opinion) hit upon some genuine political insight just in time for the blog’s sixth (!!) birthday. You know, when I put it like that, it makes us sound very diverse, insightful and deep, doesn’t it?
MAY: Spring saw the campaign getting ugly, but at least we had humour: Drew Magary nailing Chris Matthews’ inane style , Mexico’s largest newspaper coming up with the scoop on Bush:
We discovered that racist assholes vote Republican (no surprise there), and we had our first real attack on McCain. Oddly enough, we ended the month where we started it -- ripping on Matthews .
JUNE: June brought with it the first direct contrast between the leading candidates of both parties, offering Americans a chance to weigh them up side-by-side. In the spirit of bipartisanship, we helpfully reminded people what we’d be losing if we didn’t elect McCain, and showed that he has his priorities in order . We then lavished the love on Obama , including shameless employment of cute baby/childhood pictures.
Then it got weird. A parody of Google (meant to be funny) instead showed us the “Mirror, Mirror” world that could have been , and we suddenly realised we’re the world where Spock has a beard. My two biggest obsessions at that moment -- politics and Doctor Who -- collided , Cindy McCain’s backstory turns out to be hella more creepy than even her husband , and just to cap off the month with an ominous portent, George Carlin has to go and die . Even a new episode of Crusty Old Wave and the creation of the brilliant LOLbat can’t console me.
Stay tuned for Part Two!
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