The Horror ... The Horror ...

Star Trek meets Tolkien. In Middle Earth, no one can hear you scream.

SmugPublicans

I know I will sound like a sore loser for writing this, but keep in mind two things:

1. It's the truth. An actual verifiable fact. Every word is 100% true.

2. I'm not a registered Democrat, nor do I automatically vote for Democrats. There are plenty of bad apples in both major parties, in my honest opinion.

Okay, here's the food for thought:

Back in 2000, Al Gore won the race for president by over 500,000 votes. Even today, nobody in the entire country believes George W. won anything apart from a few court cases, and even if they do believe he actually won the election (he didn't), even his most ardent supporters will agree that he didn't get a majority, or a mandate.

In the most recent midterm elections, the media makes it seem as though the Democrats have really fallen badly in popularity. To hear the Conservative Republican All-Media Propagandists (CRAMPs) tell the tale, the Democrats are about as popular as three-week-old lindberger cheese.

It's true that the Democrats lost out on some important races. But the margins are much thinner than you think. If just 50,000 people in three key states had voted differently, the Senate would now be in Democratic hands. That's 50,000 people out of the 77 million people who voted.

I'd also like to point out that only 39% of eligible voters even bothered to vote, an all-time low even for mid-term elections. I'm honestly shocked about this, I thought the Republicans (and the liberal wing of the Democrats) were so rabid and gung-ho, but apparently not. They apparently make up only about 20% of the voting population (roughly half of the people who voted). I find this surprising, don't you?

Something I wish more of the "winners" would bear in mind: neither party has the real support of the American people.

Sick. Mean. Cruel. I Laughed, Anyway ... #4

Oh man, this could be the best Switch parody yet.

And who here remembers Clutch Cargo and Syncho-Vox(tm)?

Bowling for Columbine

YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS MOVIE! EVERYBODY HAS TO SEE THIS MOVIE IMMEDIATELY!!

I am changed. I am shaken. I am feeling really raw and angry and vulnerable right now. I am remembering ideas and emotions I had buried. This is a film every man, woman and teenager in this country -- in the free world -- needs to see. No matter how "sensitive" you are, no matter your politics, no matter your background, race or worldview. People should be strapped into this fucker Clockwork Orange-style, if necessary. But they must see this film.

I do not say this as a "liberal," or as an "anti-gun nut" or as an "intellectual." I say this as one human being trying to love his fellow man. This movie needs to be seen by us all.

Do not go to this movie thinking you will have a good time. Do not go to this movie thinking you will have a "good cry." Do not go to this movie expecting to walk out of it unaffected, and above all do not go to this movie thinking you will get laid afterwards. You won't.

This is a film that will upset you. It will disturb you. It will unsettle you deeply. You will wince at least as often as you laugh. You will cry, and I mean cry tears of pain. Your mouth will open and close on its own accord. You may well walk out, and you're a fool and a coward if you do.

This is easily the most important, the most moving, the most powerful American film this year. Maybe in the last decade, possibly the last quarter-century.

Those of you who think you know Michael Moore from his previous work (such as Roger & Me) and those of you who think you don't need to see the film because you have it figured out ("that radical Moore is going to use Columbine to attack the NRA! It's a liberal love-fest!!") are, simply put, wrong. You know nothing. This film is not about those things, though I will concede that it bears some resemblance to Moore's UK TV series The Awful Truth.

Moore has gone way beyond his previous work here. Hell, he's gone way beyond what most documentary filmmakers ever accomplish. This is a film which, if enough people will go and see it, can literally change the world. In terms the mainstream can understand, he has "kicked it up a notch" when it comes to powerful social filmmaking. It's not perfect, but this movie is a stunning achievement for Moore, and for film as art.

I figure I see about 750 films of various lengths every year (yes, really). Possibly more than that. If that gives me any credibility in your mind that I know an important and worthwhile film when I see one, let me reiterate: this one is really something special. If it is playing in your town, go see it. Don't wait for the DVD. This is too important.

I'm begging everyone who reads this: you need to see this movie. Everyone needs to see this movie. Then we need to think about it. Then we need to talk about it.

Then we need to act on it.

RIP Jam Master Jay

A piece of business I neglected to take care of in a timely fashion.

People who know me know that I love a wide variety of music. However, rap and hip-hop have never really been a part of that love. I mean, look at my picture. Do I look like one of those faux-nigga white kids that populate the Ricki Lake Show? No, I certainly don't. And I'm not going to insult anybody's ethic background by pretending that I do just to be "hip." Puh-lease. I've always liked black music even from childhood, but rap was to black music what rock n roll was to pre-rock-n-roll: a complete redefining of the paradigm.

So, not a homeboy I. But one thing I am is old, and I was there when rap and hip-hop started up. I really liked it -- no, I am not kidding. I remember Kurtis Blow and the Furious Five and Grandmaster Flash and the Sugarhill Gang quite well, and I liked what I heard. Being a lily-white suburban kid, I could not pretend to fully understand where they were coming from, but even back then I had black friends and lived amongst poor people and outcast people so I could empathise to some extent.

So I was enjoying rap's roots, if you will, when along came Run-DMC. In a word, WOW.

Their contribution to black music in general and rap in particular is really quite hard to understate. They were a wrecking ball you could not resist standing in front of. They were a powerful force that made a lot of us re-think the whole black-music thing. They crushed the wall of resistance MTV put up to keep rap out. They were funny, they were talented, they were brash but they backed it up. Later when they teamed up with Aerosmith I quite literally fell out of my chair watching that video.

Even then you could tell that JMJ was the glue that held it all together. He was a pioneer and an innovator and he did a lot of good. I am genuinely upset at his passing, and even more so that he of all rap artists had to die violently -- Run-DMC's distinguishing mark was that they never bought into the "thug/gangsta" streak that has, in my honest opinion, ruined black music and black culture. It's a blight JMJ did not want to be associated with.

I have tremendous respect for Jam Master Jay and I'm saddened that he's gone. When will the black community stop killing itself??

Reprinted Without Permission #2

Oh man, this really lifted my spirits. Courtesy Foxtrot which can be read regularly at ucomics.com.

Let's Not Even Go There

Well, I don't have to tell you how disappointed I am in the voters of Florida.

It's not they elected mostly Republicans -- heck, I voted for a Republican (one, actually almost two) because I honestly felt he was the best man for the job. That's generally how I select my candidates -- by looking carefully at their record and deciding without paying attention to party which one is best suited for the job and is likely to actually address the problems this state faces.

Apparently I'm about the only one who actually does this.

What disappoints me is that the voters here reward the candidate that gets the ugliest and stoops the lowest in their TV ads.

Both parties did this to excess this year, but the Republicans managed to be consistently nastier, consistently more vicious, consistently more willing to distort the other guy's record.

So they won. They won big, frankly.

What does that say about us?

How would you convince someone to vote with ads like this, and candidates like these?

Hasn't anybody noticed how badly life in Florida has deteriorated since we went so heavily Republican? Since we allowed this vicious cycle of mud-slinging to go completely out of control? How far our schools have fallen in the past decade? How badly we've handled the sensitive environment of this state? How little money most of us make? How much health care and the cost of living have risen? How bad the roads are, how much worse the air and water are? How close the oil companies are to drilling here? How much more billboard blight and ethics problems we have?

How much of a national and international laughingstock we've become?

ALE-vis!

That's how my mom pronounced it when speaking of Mr. Presley. For me, the only Elvis that matters is Costello. This is my review of the concert of Nov. 1:

EC played here tonight, "here" being the Hard Rock Live. Any of you who have been to any of the Hard Rock establishments know what this is like. Evidently EC likes the place, he's played here both times he's been in Orlando in recent memory (his last show was almost exactly two years ago, the him-and-Naive-only tour). Overall, I thought this was a well-balanced show with only minor flaws (which I'll discuss, how could I be a fan if I didn't dwell on imperfections?), pretty good sound, a lot more "noise" this time (thanks to Pete Thomas and the bass player, whose name I didn't catch but who did a very respectable job on backing vox). Opening act was Laura Cantrell. I'm sure she's nice (the 2nd half of her set, which I caught, was pleasant enough) but she didn't make an impression on me. A bit more country than I like (and I like Iris De Ment and EC's "Almost Blue"!). On to the set list. An asterisk (*) marks selections I thought were exceptionally well done and/or were songs I particularly wanted to hear this time out, and an exclamation (!) indicates surprises. For starters, let's get the disclaimers out of the way: I like most everything EC has done over the years, never warmed up to Kojak Variety but apart from that pretty much every album he's done is all right by me, even the "experiments." My fave album is ... hmmm, Get Happy or Trust. I've seen EC about six times live, most in the early 80s and now twice in the past five years. IMPORTANT: I don't yet own the new album and so probably screwed up a few of the song titles. Here's the song order, mistakes and corrections gratefully accepted: I Hope You're Happy Now Doll Revolution Party Girl* Waiting for the End of the World (!) (I Don't Want to) Go to Chelsea (!) 45 Less Than Zero (!) I Want To Be Loved (!!) Spooky Girlfriend _A new song that prominently featured the word "Inside" -- "The Judgement" perhaps??_ Clubland (extended) * I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down (too fast but otherwise really great)* Man Out of Time Indoor Fireworks * Girls Talk (!) _A new song with "Act Your Age" in the chorus -- "15 Petals" maybe?_ When I Was Cruel (please see note below) First Encore: What's So Funny Bout PLU Oliver's Army (great version) * _New song, "In Your Eyes" in chorus_ Second Encore: _Song I heard as "Rattlesnake Sphinx"_ Dust Final Encore: Alison MEDLEY w/He'll Have to Go (Jim Reeves cover)/Suspicious Minds Watching the Detectives (please see note below) Radio Radio (really good) * You Belong to Me (not the Carly Simon number, obviously -- have I got the title wrong?) Slow Down (an obscure Beatles cover) (!) Pump It Up As I say (and let me emphasise) overall, a great show. A couple of train wrecks, though: "When I Was Cruel" (and remember this is my first real hearing of it) starts off GREAT -- wonderful atmosphere, superb lyrics! -- and then after about four minutes the band jumps the train to indulgence-ville and it looked like they were never coming back. Another 8-10 minutes of what can only be described as noodling, complete with navel-gazing. I've seen EC do this before, most often with "I Want You," but this was nearly unforgivable. The band completely dissapated the energy that had been built up. Cut that one in half and you got something special. By the end I was wondering if they'd forgotten they were on stage. EC must have gotten the impression that he'd lost the crowd as well -- he finally cut back the effects box rather suddenly (well, I say that since we were all beginning to doze off), almost threw down the guitar and left suddenly. The band seemed a bit surprised. So endeth the main set. Didn't take long for them to come back for the first encore, so I guess EC wasn't mad or anything. The next few songs were again marvelous until we got to "Watching the Detectives." Now, this was a good version, but again EC went off on his effects box and forgot the show. Luckily, this time he snapped out of it after two minutes and finished the song, which pleased the audience. I understand the need to vary things up a bit on material you've performed countless times, but this fooling with the effects-box thing is the kind of stuff people do in their bedroom with the four-track, not on stage IMHO. Unlike "Clubland" which was stretched out but never left the rails, "WTD" wandered off but happily finished very strong. Compared to last tour, Steve was much better behaved (he had a tendency to really go off into flourish-land on the last tour) with only minor escapes from the norm. His keyboard sounds were fantastic, much better this time round -- a large collection of glass chime samples, I must say, and a farisa sound that sounded like a farisa!! Given the amount of This Year's Model material that turned up, this was a godsend! Pete Thomas' drumming -- well what can I say, it was excellent. He can really stir up the crowd, indeed at a few points he seemed ready to steal the show! Bass playing was perfunctory and fine, and the fellow did a great job on backing vocals (I'm sorry I didn't catch his name). There were a few moments where EC was clearly pointing the band in a direction they hadn't planned and they needed a bar or so to recognise the song and kick in. I *like* to see that sort of thing at a concert. Of the new material I heard, I liked most of it (particularly the ones I was most familiar with, "Doll Revolution" and "45"). "Dust" I really enjoyed, and the one I refer to as "In Your Eyes" was very good as well. The others kind of blended in for me, didn't stand out, but were fine. Sounds like WIWC is going to be regarded as a return to (fine) form. Biggest disappointment: He didn't do "Deep Dark Truthful Mirror," which is my wife's fave EC song other than "Shipbuilding". He did in Boston but not here. Shame, but oh well. 2nd biggest disappointment: very little in the way of swag, and most of it overpriced (actually kind of low for a Hard Rock show, but still). I just couldn't see spending $20 on a shirt that wouldn't fit me, and had no interest in the keychain or the $10 Japanese tour programme. And $20 for the CD? No thank you. No posters? No pins? No hats? Not much else to say. Tix were $39 before bloodsucker surcharges. Balcony seats were $10 more, I think. This time, I was glad to be on the floor. Crowd were older than I expected, or maybe it's me who is getting older. Not a very vocal or active crowd, which is the norm for Orlando for this sort of act. They applauded enough, though, so on the whole it was a fine evening out. Glad he came, glad I went, if he comes to your town you'd be a fool to miss it.

Elvis 4ever

I mean Costello, of course. I just went to see him and his noisy combo in concert, and I must say it was a blast. I'll post a longer summary with set list later on, probably tomorrow. Bottom line: the alterna-trons have no idea what they're missing.

Gateway Ditches Cow, Dell Abandoning Dude ...

Who says I can't get any smiles from the PC side of the industry? Oh, and Microsoft today announced MovieFaker -- sorry, MovieMaker 2 with the added "innovation" of (gasp) Firewire support! Gee, Apple introduced that when? 1999 wasn't it? Haven't the video industry been on FW for at least that long?

Well, as you might have guessed I'm rather depressed about the wrist-slap MS got (instead of the bitch-slap they should have gotten) from the judge in their anti-trust case -- but really, what did you expect from the most corrupt administration since ... since the last one? :)

Oops, I forgot. The last administration was only interested in screwing interns. This one is interested in screwing the rest of us. Key difference there, folks.

Anyway, to cheer myself up I followed up on some reporting a fellow mac-user-and-amateur-forensic-accountant has dug up and spent some time mucking around at biz.yahoo.com looking at the financials of the two most-loathed PC competitors to Apple, Dell (booo) and Gateway (byeeee). It all started thanks to a story with a great headline: Gateway Abandons Cow on Way to Slaughterhouse. Yes, it's true ... not only must America somehow cope with the semi-retirement of Stephen "Duh" the Dell Dude, but Gateway is also seeking to actually sell some computers to people who don't consider themselves gullible idiots, and is thus smartening up their image.

"I like to call it the 'de-prairification" of the company," says the now-desperate CEO of Gateway, Ted Waitt. Well, I wish him luck, but seeing as how he's still standing in three feet of steaming bullshit, I wouldn't buy any more Gateway stock, if you smell what I'm cookin'.

Oh, and Ted -- a ponytail is just a bald man's mullet.

Dell, on the other hand, is doing a heck of a lot better than just about anyone else in the biz, including Apple (no surprise there), but apparently it's costing them a fortune to manufacture those profits. Their financials (available here) aren't really too good (apart from that market capitalisation, that is -- Wall Street loves Dell): they actually have less cash on hand than Apple! And twice the long-term debt! Sure, Dell sells more, but they don't seem to be able to make a profit on it the way Apple does. If the economy continues to head south for the next two years, Dell is going to be in very serious trouble. Of course, maybe that won't happen.

I'm no financial analyst, but it seems to me that Apple is poised to ride out even a long stretch of bad economy by innovating and possibly expanding its user base. Dell really doesn't have much of anywhere to go but down if the economy stays sour. What's Apple's secret? Here it is: they don't have to be number one to survive.