An Insult to the Fourth

Well, here we are, mindlessly celebrating another Fourth of July. Sure, I love fireworks and hotdogs as much as the next guy (well, maybe not hotdogs, unless they're kosher), but this year the whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Maybe you didn't hear about it, but a couple of days ago we bombed an entire Afghanistan wedding out of existence. Scores of utterly innocent people -- people who were doing nothing but trying to celebrate life and create some happiness in that abused, terrifying land they live in -- were killed by us in our merciless war on ... what? Terrorism? Or just "furriners?"

Admittedly, said wedding party were shooting guns -- rifles -- into the air. It's a traditional way of celebrating things in that region of the world, and I'll be the first to say it's a damn dumb idea -- thousand of people have been killed accidentally by their own relatives over the years because they forgot that what goes up must come down. It's the middle eastern equivalent of redneck sports.

But they didn't deserve to die. There was absolutely nothing to indicate to the Army that this was anything other than a routine celebration, and no way those rifles could hurt anyone not standing on the ground near the wedding. We had no right to drop a bomb on them. This is not some aberrant "mistake." We're doing this sort of thing ALL THE TIME -- killing innocent civilians and then not really giving a toss. Remember the Chinese embassy?

As Tom Tomorrow so brilliantly says, if you're first reaction upon hearing this story is "oh my god, those poor people," then you've still got some humanity, some compassion, some good in you. If your first reaction was instead something along the lines of "oh boy, just watch the lefties complain about this," you really need to exercise your constitutionally-sacred right to buy a gun and blow your brains out. You're no longer human, and the world would be far better off without you. For the love of Pete, at least get some help.

Speaking of people who should off themselves immediately because the world is just stubbornly going to carry on not meeting their expectations, my pal Rich Grula (and many other people) have noticed that conservative pundit (and non-human) Ann Coulter has become increasingly strident and abhorrent of late. She is part of a seemingly increasing number of pundits for whom I've coined the term SERB -- Skinny Evil Republican Bitch. SERBs are better than you, and will remind you of it at every opportunity. The only reason they are on television at all is because they are reasonably attractive, particularly if you go for the "heroin chic" look. Otherwise they would be dismissed as the crazies they are -- until they had the sex-change and fat-adding operations that would turn them into doughy white male politicians, that is. Fox News will always have a place for SERBs and DWMPs. Indeed, it's positively infested with them.

SERBs are absolutely convinced that they are right about everything. So what, you say, that's how most of us think. True, but most of us allow for a modicum of doubt if presented with facts that don't support our beliefs. Not SERBs, no sir. And, like the Serbs of eastern Europe they are named after, SERBs are actually pro-genocide. They don't like liberals, they don't like Jews, they don't like ... well, anyone who dares to disagree with them ... and promote as a solution to this "problem" the idea that the government or some other authority should imprison or better yet kill people who dare to disagree with SERBs as traitors.

Don't believe me? How about a sampling of actual Ann Coulter SERB quotes?

Ann on the Islamic peoples: "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

Ann on Arabic people in the US: "Congress could pass a law tomorrow requiring that all aliens from Arabic countries leave ... We should require passports to fly domestically. Passports can be forged, but they can also be checked with the home country in case of any suspicious-looking swarthy males."

Ann on Clinton: "If you don't hate Clinton and the people who labored to keep him in office, you don't love your country." Geez, the guy won a majority vote twice, and his hand-picked successor won the popular vote (and the election, had it not been nullifed by the Supreme Court, but that's another story) -- this country must be crawling with traitors, Ann!

And my personal favourite Ann quote: "The swing voters -- I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don't have set philosophical principles. You're either a liberal or you're a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster."

Want more? This SERB leader has plenty to say, most of it absolutely nonsensical. Knock yourself out.